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หมอหนุ่มเปิดเพจเล่าชีวิต ไม่รู้มีเวลาเหลือแค่ไหน อ่านจบน้ำตาไหล
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หมอหนุ่มเปิดเพจเล่าชีวิต ไม่รู้มีเวลาเหลือแค่ไหน อ่านจบน้ำตาไหล

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เมื่อวันที่ 11 พ.ย. 65 เพจเฟซบุ๊ก @สู้ดิวะ เป็นเพจของหมอหนุ่มวัย 28 ปี ที่ได้ออกมาโพสต์เรื่องราวมรสุมชีวิต

ที่ตอนนี้เขานั้นเขากำลังจะเเต่งงาน เเต่โชคร้ายตรวจพบ ม ะ เ ร็ ง ป อ ด ระยะสุดท้าย

โดยระบุข้อความว่า ‘สวัสดีครับ ผมเป็น ม ะ เ ร็ ง ป อ ด ครับ

…Squamous cell carcinoma of the lung with multiple brain, pleural, and lung to lung metastasis

มันจะเรียกว่า ระยะสุดท้ายก็ได้ครับ ระยะลุกลาม ระยะที่เรียกได้ว่าไม่สามารถผ่าตัดเอาก้อนออกเเล้วก็หายขาดได้อย่างเเน่นอนครับ

กำลังบรรจุเป็นอาจารย์เเพทย์ได้ 2 เดือน ก็ได้ตั๋วเลื่อนขั้นเป็นอาจารย์ใหญ่เฉยเลย สงสัยใช่ไหมครับ

เพราะผมก็สงสัยเหมือนกัน ผมมั่นใจในสุขภาพร่างกายตัวเองมาก ๆ ทั้งเข้ายิมสม่ำเสมอ เล่นกีฬา กินอาหารคลีน ไม่ สู บ บุ ห รี่

เครื่องดื่มเเอลกอฮอล์ก็น้อยมาก ทำงานในสภาพเเวดล้อมที่ไม่เครียด นอน 4 ทุ่ม ตื่น 6 โมงเช้ามาอ่านหนังสือ

ทำวิจัยสอนนักศึกษา ไม่ได้เข้าเวรอดนอนอะไรเลย

การงานอาชีพที่เรียกได้ว่ากำลังไปได้สวย เพิ่งจะอดทนเรียนเเพทย์เฉพาะทางจบ

พร้อมกับปริญญาโทวิทยาการข้อมูลอีกใบ เพื่อมาทำงานเป็นอาจารย์เเพทย์ตามที่ฝันไว้

เเล้วผมก็เริ่มไอครับ..

ไอมีเสมหะบ้าง ไอเเห้งบ้าง ตรวจโควิดเเล้วก็ไม่เจอ ตอนนั้นไปรักษาไปทางกรดไหลย้อนก่อน ผ่านไป 2 เดือน

ระหว่างนี้ผมสามารถเล่นกีฬาได้ตามปกติ ทำงาน ใช้ชีวิตได้ตามปกติเลยจริง ๆ มีเเค่เรื่องไอที่ไม่หายสักที

จึงตัดสินใจไปตรวจจริง ๆ จัง เอาจริง ๆ คือเพิ่งจะมีเวลาว่างจากงานด้วยครับ 3 ตุลาคม 2565

เป็นวันที่ไม่มีตารางงานเลย จึงถือโอกาสไปตรวจสุขภาพหน่อย

Chest X-ray บอกผมว่า ชีวิตผมจะไม่เหมือนเดิมอีกต่อไปเเล้ว เป็นฟิล์มที่ ป อ ด ข้างขวาผมเหลืออยู่ครึ่งเดียว

ลักษณะเหมือนมีก้อนกับน้ำอยู่ในปอดด้านขวา เเละ ป อ ด ด้านซ้ายก็มีก้อนเล็ก ๆ เต็มไปหมด จังหวะนี้ผมบอกเลยนะ

คุณจะไม่คิดถึงงานของคุณเลย ผมว่าผมเป็นคนบ้างานคนหนึ่งเลยเเหละ เเต่ ณ ตอนนั้นผม ไม่มีเรื่องงานเหลือในหัวเลย

คุณจะไม่มีความคิดเลยว่าอยากทำงานให้มากกว่านี้ อยากใช้เวลาในออฟฟิศให้นานกว่านี้สักนิด

ถึงจะคิดว่า อายุเราน้อย ไม่มีปัจจัยเสี่ยงอะไรเลย สุขภาพโคตรเเข็งเเรง เเล้วเอาจริงก็คิดว่าผมไม่ใช่คนทำบาปเยอะอะไรนะ

เเต่หลังจากผ่านการตรวจทุกอย่างมาเเล้ว ทั้งเอกซเรย์คอมพิวเตอร์ ผ่าตัดเข้าไปเพื่อไปเอาชิ้นเนื้อมาตรวจ

ตรวจคลื่นเเม่เหล็กไฟฟ้าที่สมอง ผลมันก็คือผมเป็น ม ะ เ ร็ ง ป อ ด จริง ๆ

เเถมเป็นระยะสุดท้ายด้วย ตัวก้อนหลักขนาดเกือบ 8 cm ที่ ป อ ด ด้านขวา

นอกจากนี้ตัว ม ะ เ ร็ ง ยังมีการกระจายไปที่เยื่อหุ้มปอด เเละปอดข้างซ้ายอีกหลายจุด

ที่สำคัญคือ มันกระจายไปที่สมองถึง 6 ก้อนด้วยกัน เเต่ละก้อนก็ใหญ่ซะด้วย โชคดีที่ผมไม่มีอาการทางสมองอะไร

ทั้งที่ตำเเหน่งที่มันกระจายไป สามารถทำให้ผม เเขนขาอ่อนเเรง ชา เดินไม่ตรง ทรงตัวไม่ได้ หรือเเม้เเต่เสียการมองเห็นไปเลย

อย่างไรก็ตาม ผมได้รับการรักษาที่ดีที่สุด ณ ตอนนี้เเล้วครับ ขอบพระคุณอาจารย์ทุกท่านจากใจจริงครับที่ให้ความช่วยเหลือผมมากขนาดนี้

ทั้งการผ่าตัด การได้รับ chemotherapy Immunotherapy เเละได้รับการฉายเเสงที่ศีรษะทันทีที่เจอก้อน

ถ้าไม่ได้รับการรักษาที่ยอดเยี่ยมเเละรวดเร็วเเบบนี้ ผมอาจจะไม่สามารถมานั่งเขียนสเตตัสนี้เเล้วก็ได้ครับ ขอบคุณครับ ขอบคุณจริง ๆ

รวมถึงประกันด้วยครับ ผมโชคดีที่ได้ทำประกันสุขภาพโรคร้ายเเรงไว้ ตอนทำคิดเเค่ว่าจะเอาไว้ไปผ่าไส้ติ่งที่เอกชน

ถึงตอนนี้ประกันจะยังไม่อนุมัติ ยังอยู่ในกระบวนการสืบค้นข้อมูล ซึ่งมันก็เข้าใจได้ครับ ผมเป็นหมอ อายุน้อย ทำไมถึงเลือกประกันนี้

เเล้วเป็นเร็วขนาดนี้ เเต่ผมอยากจะบอกประกันเลยว่า ผมเนี่ยวางเเผนชีวิตไว้เยอะมาก

เเละก่อนหน้านี้ผมก็เเข็งเเรงมาก ๆ อนุมัติให้ผมเถอะ ผมไม่ได้ตุกติกครับ

สำหรับคนที่ยังไม่มีประกันสุขภาพ ผมเเนะนำครับ ถ้าคนเเบบผมเป็น ม ะ เ ร็ ง ได้ ทุกคนมีโอกาสเป็นได้จริงๆ ครับ

โลกเราตอนนี้มันไม่ปกติครับ ทั้ง ม ล พิ ษ อากาศ น้ำ รังสีต่างๆ ยีนเรามันพร้อมกลายพันธ์ุครับ

ตลอดชีวิตที่ผ่านมา ผมเป็นคนที่เชื่อสุดหัวใจว่า ถ้าเรามีเป้าหมายเเละวางเเผน พยายามทุ่มเท อดทน

มันจะได้มาซึ่งสิ่งที่เราต้องการได้ ผมเชื่อว่าเราสามารถควบคุมชีวิตเราได้

พัฒนาตัวเอง ดูเเลสุขภาพ อ่านหนังสือ ลงทุน ใช้ชีวิตให้ยอดเยี่ยมมาเสมอ

มันเลยทำให้ในมือผมมีการ์ดดี ๆ มากมายเลยครับ

ผมมีสุขภาพที่โคตรเเข็งเเรง มีการงานที่โคตรมั่นคงเเละมีอนาคตสดใส ผมมีสังคมเเละความสัมพันธ์ที่อบอุ่นมาก ๆ

รายล้อมไปด้วยผู้คนที่สุดยอดเเละน่ารัก ผมกล้าพูดว่าผมมีเเต่คนรักมากกว่าคนเกลียด

อาจเพราะผมใช้ชีวิตด้วยคติคือว่า ทุกคนที่ได้มาเจอเเละรู้จักผม เขาจะต้องรู้สึกว่าโชคดีจังที่ได้รู้จักกับผม

ผมทำเเบบนั้นมาตลอด เเละตอนนี้ผมมีการ์ดเหล่านั้น ผมลงทุนมาตลอดเดินไปตามเเผนเกษียณได้อย่างสบาย ๆ

ผมกำลังจะเเต่งงานกับผู้หญิงที่ผมรักมากที่สุด ผมกำลังจะสร้างบ้านในฝันของเรา

เเล้วผมก็จั่วได้การ์ด ที่ชื่อว่า ม ะ เ ร็ ง ระยะสุดท้าย

การ์ดที่ถึงผมจะไม่อยากได้ เเต่ผมก็มีมันอยู่ในมือ เป็นวันที่ตระหนักว่าจริง ๆ เเล้ว มนุษย์เรามันโคตรเปราะบางเลยครับ

มันเหมือนโลกทั้งใบของเราเเตกสลายลงไปต่อหน้าเลยนะครับ เเผนชีวิตที่วางมาทั้งหมด พังลง ต่อหน้าต่อตาเลย

ไม่รู้ด้วยซ้ำว่า ตอนที่ได้ chemo หรือได้ยาอะไรเข้าไปเเล้วร่างกายจะเป็นยังไง

ฉายเเสงที่หัวด้วยรังสีเข้มข้น จะเกิดผลข้างเคียงอะไรไหม จะเดินได้อยู่ไหม จะมองเห็นอยู่ไหม จะกินข้าวได้อยู่ไหม

จะยังจำทุกคนได้ไหม จะยังเป็นตัวของตัวเองเเบบนี้ได้อีกนานเเค่ไหน ผมก็ได้กลายเป็นคนที่มีเวลาชีวิตจำกัดขึ้นมาทันที

ไม่ว่าผมจะตอบสนองกับยาดีเเค่ไหน หรือผมจะเเข็งเเรงเเค่ไหน ผมคงไม่ได้ เ เ ก่ ต า ย เเน่ ๆ

เวลาจำกัดเเค่ไหนเหรอครับ

ก็อาจจะหลักเดือน หกเดือน หนึ่งปี สองปี ถ้าโชคดีหน่อยก็อาจจะห้าปี ผมไม่รู้จริง ๆ ว่าโลกจะให้เวลากับผมเท่าไร

ผมไม่สามารถพยายามอะไรได้เลย ทำได้เเค่ภาวนาให้ยาตอบสนอง ให้โรคสงบ ให้ไม่มีผลข้างเคียงอะไรเกิดขึ้น

ภาวนาให้มีชีวิตอยู่อย่างปกติไปได้อีกสักวัน หรืออีกสักเดือน

เเต่คุณเชื่อไหม ผมไม่เสียดายชีวิตที่ผ่านมาเลยนะ

ผมมีช่วงชีวิตที่ผ่านมาที่โคตรดี ดีเเบบไม่มีอะไรเสียใจ ไม่มีอะไรที่อยากย้อนกลับไปทำเลย

เเปลว่าที่ผ่านมาใช้ชีวิตมาได้น่าพอใจมาก ๆ เลยเเหละ คือ ไม่ได้รู้สึกว่า รู้งี้ทำเเบบนั้นตอนนั้นดีกว่า

หรือย้อนกลับไปเปลี่ยนทางเดินชีวิตอะไรเลย ไม่ได้อยากไปเที่ยวรอบโลก

ไม่ได้อยากขับ supercar ไม่ได้อยากมีอะไรที่มากไปกว่าที่ชีวิตตอนนี้มีอยู่เลย

ผมมีชีวิตที่ดีมากเเล้วจริง ๆ 28 ปีที่ผ่านมาของผม มันยอดเยี่ยมเเละมีคุณค่ามากพอที่จะเรียกว่าชีวิตที่มีความหมายเเล้ว

ผมเเละพีมใช้เวลาหนึ่งเดือน ไปกับการรักษาทั้งสารรังสี ยาสลบ การผ่าตัด ยากระตุ้นภูมิ เคมีบำบัด รังสีรักษา

รวมถึงยา molnupiravir (ใช่ครับ หลังได้คีโม ผมติดโควิด ลูกรักพระเจ้าไหมละ) เเละตั้งหลักชีวิตใหม่

เพื่อกลับมามองว่าผมจะเล่นการ์ดในมือนี้ต่อไปยังไง การ์ด ม ะ เ ร็ ง ในมือนี้ เมื่อมันมาอยู่ในมือผม เพลย์ต่อไปที่ผมจะเล่น

คือการฝากบางอย่างไว้ให้กับโลก ที่อาจจะไม่ได้น่ารักกับผมเท่าไร ผมได้รับโอกาสที่จะถ่ายทอดสิ่งที่ผมได้ตกตะกอนมาตลอดชีวิตผม

สิ่งที่ได้เรียนรู้มุมมองการใช้ชีวิต ความเชื่อ ความฝัน ความประทับใจ รวมถึงเรื่องราวที่ผมอยากจะฝากไว้กับโลกนี้

ทั้งช่วงอารมณ์อ่อนไหว เเละเข้มเเข็ง เผื่อถ้าวันหนึ่งที่ผมไม่อยู่เเล้ว ตัวตนของผม จะยังอยู่ตลอดไป

ผมจะยังได้เป็นอาจารย์ จะยังได้มีลูกศิษย์ ที่เติบโต ที่ได้เรียนรู้จากผมอยู่

มันคงจะดีมาก ๆ ถ้าการที่ชีวิตที่สั้นลงของผมสามารถเป็นกำลังใจ เป็นพลังให้กับคนที่ยังมีชีวิตอยู่ต่อ

ผมเเละเพื่อนรักของผม จึงมีความตั้งใจที่จะสร้างเพจนี้ขึ้นมา เพื่อส่งต่อสิ่งเหล่านี้ครับ..’

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